When did i find God....

I like sitting in my room quietly while it's dark and just thinking about life, career and other random stuff. There are times when i cry over some memories and there are times when i laugh at so many beautiful moments, i've had in my very short life. I love doing this because you are the closest to yourself  and you just feel free. So yesterday, when i was practising this very private ritual, i came across a question,When did i find my God?or just not to make it sound controversial, when did i come closer to my God? Amazingly, i had to think over this a lot, remembering facts, before i came to an answer.


Life's a roller coaster, we all know that, but i had the "honour" of  enjoying that roller coaster at a very young age. Teenage was hard, without any doubt but leaving for UK at the age of 19 all by myself was harder. I had never travelled alone before that ( without my parents) and here i was planning to live all by myself for the next three and a half years. Crucial times then and it wasn't easy but i made it. It was there that my life changed for good. I changed for good. And it was right there when i found my God.


I do used to pray even before leaving for UK but i guess my belief wasn't strong enough. There was always this doubt that am i being heard or not. Those three years helped me overcome that and everytime i used to pray or pray now, i get this very strong feeling that somebody out there is listening and if this wish/desire is good for me,i'll get my prayers answered. I saw a change in myself in a way that while i was in Pakistan ,i used to ask my parents for evrything but while i was in UK, i started asking for things, directly from God( which i practise now too). This was one major step that helped me get closer to Him. It was like He was right there. I feel thankful that i got this opportunity because i needed one then.


Being closer to God, is a very valuable thing. It's like you have Somebody always there for you and this world becomes such a happy place to live because you know He is not leaving you at all. I hope all of us find God before it's too late. The best part is He is every where, you just need to look with a believer's eyes.

Growing old isn't fun!

Do you remember those days when you used to aspire those heels your mom wore or that makeup she used to wear? How you couldn't wait to grow old and try all these one day? Seeing your dad driving a car, you used to imagine yourself doing it one day and the thought of independence made you feel all excited. Right? Amazing feels then! They were amazing because this was all we knew about growing up. Independence, good job, an handsome/ beautiful spouse, doing what we feel like, that was all we had imagined about this growing up phenomena. Yes we had and we couldn't wait for all this to happen. How foolish and dumb we were. Seriously!!!!

Now that i am in my mid 20's and all independent, i see that life was so much comfortable then. Home-School-Home-Friends, that was it! No work politics, no money issues, no looking for a "reliable or trustworthy" spouse for yourself, no such troubles at all. You didn't know about the world then, that it isn't as happy and fun as it looks on TV or books. It's so much out there. Black and White, as i call it.

 When you will work you make friends but then there will be people who you will choose to hate too. You will meet people, many people, some will be worth your time and love while some won't be. Some will hurt you so bad. You never realized this when you were young because feelings didn't worry you then. You were least bothered and that was the best thing ever. Apart from work, you never realized how your family will change with time. Everyone will move out, marry or find a job somewhere or probably die. You never did think how people you love won't be there around you at all.

 Growing up not only comes with loads of challenges but crazy responsibilities too. Being the best, getting into a good institution, finding a nice job. marrying a good person and then running a family, all such responsibilities is what this phase puts on you.  Believe me, none of this is interesting or fun.

Wish we would have realized then that how *not-so-fun* this would be. Wish we would have loved every moment of being young, stupid and foolish. If there is anything like time machine, i would love to buy it and move way way back to all those years when i was a toddler and never return back because that was real life. That was where all the fun, love, trust and happiness was!

Letting go

I  used to have this fear of letting go. Letting go of things that were so close to me. Letting go of people i "thought" were here to stay. The idea of letting go never crossed my mind, probably because i was immature or a little too protective of things that were close to me. Or maybe i was used to getting attached to things and people so easily that the concept of letting go was more of a fear and a painful idea that i never thought i would practice. But then again, experiences change you. You grow. Mature. And are made to do all those things that you thought you won't because you weren't brave enough.

Letting go isn't easy, believe me, especially those people who start meaning the world to you. Decisions such as these are hardest to make. You suffer later. You end up thinking why on earth i made such a decision. I should have waited, analysed and probably should have given another chance. All such ideas and thoughts come into your mind and you start blaming yourself for so many reasons. You do and it's natural. But hang on! Game isn't over until, you end it. C'mon!

Letting go of someone is the best and probably the most brave decision one makes. It is painful but that pain is only short term. Everything starts getting normal after some time. Life moves on. You go back to your normal self. You start realising that this was needed. They were never meant to stay in your life. It wasn't written in the stars, as they say. Maybe, letting go is good for both the parties. You don't get everything in life and you don't need to whine over it. Everything is for good and letting go of someone doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Find new people, make new friends. Don't let this be the end of you.

Be your own best friend

Why do you need someone when you have yourself? Aren't you enough for yourself? Why fall in love with someone else when there is so much to be loved within? At least you don't cheat yourself, break trust or lie. At least you don't judge or question your honesty or love or character. Then why can't be you, your own best friend since this is the only person , you'll find in this universe, that's gonna stay with you forever?

See, when you work, study or travel, you meet people of different kinds. Some people that you do not connect with and there are some that you connect with instantly. Those who you connect with become your friends, some for a lifetime while some for a very short period. And this is how life is. People don't stay forever. Some leave for good while some leave only to return back. But they leave and this is where it all starts getting complicated. You become so used to that person being around you all the time that when they are there no more, you feel empty and alone. But all this time you don't realise that you ain't alone, sir. You have yourself, an amazing friend that you kind of left behind, ignored while you were busy making friends that would leave you later.

Being with yourself is the best thing in the world. When i am alone, i talk to myself. About Everything. Every single thing. I analyse situations, find answers to so many questions, workout on making myself a better person, scold myself at times, appreciate myself on my achievements and so many other things i would do with my best friend. Just the thought that you will be there for yourself when the rest of the world won't even bother, is the best feeling ever since this always reminds you that you ain't alone.

So, love yourself for who you are. Never feel surprised when someone tells you how amazing you are because know that everytime even if someone says that or not. And never wait for a right friend or anyone else for that matter because always remember the kind of love and attention you can give yourself, no one in a million years can give that to you. Be your best friend, always :)

Like Totally 80's

"When i listen to old music, it's one of the few times, I actually have a kind of a love for humanity"- Crumb 1994

So music has always been there in my life. Be it, rock, classic, folk, country, i have listened to every kind. But when i talk about music, 80's is the era that i connect to a lot. It was something about the music then, it makes you happy and just love life. So, i have been listening to a lot of 80's hits recently and here is a list of my top 5 favourite 80's songs.

On number five is this amazing soft rock anthem written for the film Mannequin which remained atop of UK singles charts for weeks and weeks. The song's by Starship and goes with the titles, "Nothing's gonna stop us now". This is a band which was formed in 1970 and has got another major hit "We built this city".

This  is an empowering song. It has played a major role in 1993 for Montreal Canadians NHL team during a Stanley Cup. the song was played throughout the playoff games which led to their win. Amazing fact there, right? I love this song for it's beat and music and amazing lyrics. It has just got a unique, positive vibe and i can listen to it over and over again. So if you haven't listened to it, get your headphones on and you'll definitely see yourself dancing to the beat.

Now on number four is this "oh so amazing" hit by U2, With or Without you. Everyone falls in love with this hit as soon as they hear it. I did too four years ago and i still listen to it everyday on my way to work. This song made me fall in love with this band. It is a combination of shimmering,sheeny production and Bono's amazing vocals. You gotta hear it if you haven't already! You'll end up singing " I can't live with or without you", that is a fact. The song's magical.

"I will never let you see-The way my broken heart is hurting me-I've got my pride and i know how to hide-All the sorrow and pain-I'll do my crying in the rain". I ain't a very emotional person but i came across this beautiful song by a-ha a few days ago and since then it has been on my playlist.The song is actually a cover and it was originally sung by The Everly Brothers in 1962. So Yes you got a classic there and it takes the number 3 spot on my list.

So this next song is so close to my heart. I remember i heard this in London in 2012 during christmas when this was "The Christmas song" that year. Every shop or restruant i used to go to, Last Christmas was the only song they used to play and everytime i listen to it now, it takes me back to those days. This 1984 single was by a british pop duo Wham! It has been covered by many different artists but nobody came close to the original version.This song is my "family song" too because surprisingly my siblings love it too and we sing it together whenever we are home in our so -not-amazing voices. It's a dance-rock holiday song and if you are not in a good mood, Last Christmas will do the healing.

This hard rock,glam metal song takes the crown for me. Bon Jovi's Livin' on a Prayer.I love it-Period. The song was released in late 1986 and was well received in all charts and Billboards. The song's so powerful that it became the band's signature song. It is about a fictional working class couple who struggle to make ends meet and maintain their relationship.
"Take my hand and we'll make it i swear- Woah livin' on a prayer", you'll love it like i do. So much love !!!!

So i am done with my top favourite 80's songs. Good list there, Sir!!!
 I hope you had an amazing time reading this blog and do check out all these hits if you haven't already.

To London, with love

Last night i woke up in an unfamiliar place. In a place, i had completely forgotten. There were no sounds of sirens, traffic, people on the street, arguing or laughing. I couldn't hear the roars of buses or trains passing by in the nearby train station. It was a different place i was in. And then i remembered that i was home. And no longer in London.

I would have never thought the place i was so not excited to go, will be the place i'll miss so much.London is not just a second home to me, it's a place that changed me for good, a place that made me realise nothing is hard or impossible, if you have the will and courage things just work out the way you want them too. 

Living independent, on my own, was the most difficult task ever since i was the kid who used to get everything on plate, right there. I had no experience of the world outside. School-Home-Friends, this was exactly what i knew about life. Making a bank account or washing your dishes or clothes or even cooking your own food was not a reality but a dream or something i wasn't familiar with. But this place, showed me how it is done and that life is not just "fun" only, there is a lot to it and that a lot is both interesting and frustrating at times. There were times when the i used to think why do people live in a city who is eating me up, just spatting me out at the best of times, where simple tasks were a constant battle but then there were some amazing times when this cold, grey capital meant the world to me.
 

We've been in a love/hate relationship always. I hated travelling on the central line while going to school in the morning. Those packed tubes used to annoy me and there were days when i used to skip school just because of that. But there were days when i used to love those tubes. taking me wherever i wanted to go. I have read some amazing books, on my journeys, on that very central line and not to forget The Evening Standard and DailyMail.

I miss that amazing Sainsbury's right in front of my flat, cheap clothes from Primark, food from M&S,peaceful green parks and old buildings. I miss queing for musicals and symphonies for hours just to get cheap tickets. I miss the walking part, just starting from one station to another, without realising how far i usually used to end up. I miss the cold days, my hot chocolate from Starbucks and simply me being with myself and loving everything about that moment.

There is this quote that i read a few days back that i loved so much that i got it printed and hanged it in my room."You will never be completely at home again, because part of your will always be elsewhere.That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place". And while i am happy to be home, working and living with my family, London, you cold, cazy, grey, super expensive and mad place, you will always be in my heart. 

 

Feel-good Movies

"Even when God seemed to have abandoned me, He was watching me.
Even when He seemed indifferent to my suffering, He was watching me.
And when i was beyound all hopes of saving, He gave me rest and that gave me a sign to continue my journey."

Life of Pi has to be one of my most favourite movies and this quote above speaks for itself. I love this movie because it talks about belief, trust and love. It is one of those movies that i can watch a million times and not get bored. This movie makes you cherish the simplest things in life, like companionship, love, honesty and trust. You don't need to be of a certain religion or belief. This movie portrays universal ideas, ideas that all humans should believe in and follow and that makes this way too beautiful.

Another one of my favourites is  The Shawshank Redemption. Despite the fact that this has my most favourite actor , Morgan Freeman, this movie is absolute delight to watch because of it's amazing storyline and heart winning acting.The dialogue that takes the crown for me and many more is " some birds are never meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright". Many of us are are suffering or going through so much that we don't even deserve. Life is a journey and it is fair to some while isn't to others. But those who deserve good, get it sooner or later for God listens to every pray and He isn't bias and that is what makes HiM great.

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of good things and no good thing ever dies",hope described in the best way possible. So long there is a tomorrow, there is hope. What is lost, is not lost forever and that is what is beautifully defined in this movie.

I would always prefer books over movies but these two movies are an exception. These movies are all about hope, courage and belief. My kind of movies, feel-good movies and if you haven't watched them do, please do :)